


Feline Fine

by IdlePace



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Bad Puns, Cats, Gen, Platonic Kissing, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2015-01-26
Packaged: 2018-03-09 04:34:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3236393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdlePace/pseuds/IdlePace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nilesy is used to the typical day at the office like clock work, but being friends with everyone there can sometimes have its confusing moments.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feline Fine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [catgirl_luna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/catgirl_luna/gifts).



A Wednesday rolling into being like every day before it with a sunrise, disorderly birds outside the window, and a jarring phone alarm set two minutes too soon. Even with a repeated routine every twenty-four hours the careless hand still managed to shoot past the nightstand entirely, missing the phone like predicted clockwork. One more fruitless knock and the plastic cased phone clattered to the ground, its tune cutting off as the first corner contacted the floor.

A sudden lurch and Nilesy was up, his eyes still spinning around in his head, catching up with his morning mood. His hands dove into his hair, pushing the messy dark locks as vertical as they could stretch while his deep inhale puffed out sour morning breath. A pre-emptive hand to the face let him remember his blurry vision and his lack of glasses, securing a deemed appropriate groan before smacking his nightstand again to find them.

The morning procedure followed in order, one action after the other as Nilesy readied for work. A collection of mouth flexing faces in the mirror, talking up the canned food like it was a delicacy to his cat, less curses than usual when he would always stub his toe on the kitchen door frame after breakfast, and slipping his tie through the same knot his fingers were skilled in.

Checking his phone before stepping out Nilesy released a strange sigh. His normality of the day was thrown off balance as his eyes read his stagnant message box. It was missing the usual morning text from Lomadia and an overused tacky motivational quote from Sjin. Nilesy could practically taste his own apprehension as he entered his car, turning off his phone and adjusting his glasses one more time before pushing his keys into the ignition.

The standard quiet morning drive flew in high volumes as Nilesy’s mind could not liberate the thoughts that circled in his head about the unfamiliar blip in his daily rituals. He strained his mind thinking back on both of his friend’s schedules, trying to recall days off or appointments, but Lomadia was always awake at sunrise, and Sjin never missed an opportunity to try for a bad office joke. Even after finding his designated parking spot that squeezed well with the other numerical permits, he checked his phone over again. Weight pulled with more severity on his heart as even a text from Zoey that would always fill his morning with brightly arranged emoticons, hadn’t been sent on schedule as well.

Systematically the car engine settling sounded distant in his ears, his mind buzzing into another whirlwind of possible scenarios. No amount of drumming his fingers on the dashboard could bring about reasons for Zoey to miss her usual cue. Nilesy had found his last straw of suspicion, relaying the twitch in his hands to smudging the call button just below Zoey’s picture.

Each ring hummed in his chest as his breath turned anxious. He tried not to count the passing seconds as he waited but already feeling a fluster of worries begin to mount he implored for an answer.

A crude electronic click sparked his posture and ironed out his withdrawn hunch, as the strong throat clear on the other end crackled through.

“Hiya, Proasheck here! How are you doing today?” The bright predicted tones warmed Nilesy’s heart. His relief in the form of a sigh swept across his skin as he kept his hands steady, rubbing circles on the back of the phone with his thumb.

“Hey Zoey it’s me. Just was calling to figure out why no one was texting me this morning like usual. Are you already in the office?” Words flowed out easier than he thought, forming more clear sentences than his panicked mind did earlier in the few hours of the day. He cleared his throat in the same fashion he had heard seconds prior on the other end, letting his sounds linger back in his chest as he stood by for an all-encompassing answer.

“Hello? Is anyone there? Nilesy did your cat dial me? Hello?” Zoey’s once comforting voice quickly became anything but as her questions spun on. Overpowering terror flooded his stomach as the other side turned from questions to low drilling beeps. His hand rejected his phone, tossing it sketchily forward to crash with the windshield and coming to a strident landing on the dashboard.

Nilesy’s gravelly sigh flipped into a sob as he tried to breathe deeply. “That’s it, I am a ghost. That’s the only explanation.” Leaning back in his seat Nilesy’s eyes bore into the fabric roof of the car, “It’s the only explanation. I knew that toast was iffy…” The impossibly set in stain on the ceiling had no story or words to tell no matter how much Nilesy’s mind tried to read into it.

“Well, guess I better go haunt the office.” Lifting strands of hair out of his eyes in one great huff Nilesy pulled himself up, his chest bumping with the steering wheel as he went. Shoving his phone into his back pocket and sliding his keys into his files bag he lumbered out of the car, catching his foot on the door threshold as he cursed the suspicious toast again.

Theories rolled around like a poorly executed game of pinball inside his head. A cloud of confusion unfocussed his eyes as he missed the lax security desk and the exact minute his feet lured him into the brightly designed elevator. The unnecessary crane of his neck to watch the ascending digital numbers failed to resonate with him as the thought of a typical day at work hardly ghosted in his mind anymore.

The elevator’s chime dropped his vision, a new form of concentration settling in his feet. Readying to take a step out and come face to face with countless bizarre possibilities from the blip that turned his day on its head Nilesy sighed. As the doors slid open, soundless on their track, he could feel his effortless frown tuck up immediately as a familiar face appeared on the other side.

“Lalna!” Nilesy’s sharp call jumped his voice in the middle of the name as he matched it with his practical bound to the sturdy office floor. “Am I ever glad to see you!” Nilesy managed to keep his arms from constricting around the other man, letting them flop dramatically at his sides instead. “Something strange is going on and I haven’t a clue what it could be! But check being a ghost off the list because you can see me! What a relief, though going through walls would have been a perk.”

Anchoring his jaw shut Nilesy took a step back to examine over Lalna. Everything from the poorly tucked dress shirt to the comically printed cartoon tie was exactly like every other day, but the dropped brow expression was in unfamiliar territory, forcing Nilesy’s stomach to tense again.

When Lalna’s lips formed a practiced pout Nilesy could feel his shoulders shrink. “What an adorable little guy you are…”

Nilesy’s head reeled back in bewilderment. The stun froze his bones in place as he watched Lalna’s hand glide up to his face. Nilesy couldn’t understand which was more peculiar, how his co-worker was cooing gently at him or how his blunt fingernails were now scratching under his chin.

“I don’t know how you got into the office but you better go before Honeydew sees you. He’ll bear hug the air out of you.” Lalna’s quiet chuckle made the hairs on the back of Nilesy’s neck stand up. He wanted to demand an explanation for the more than strange treatment but as soon as his mouth opened the elevator rung again. 

He couldn’t form a sound as Lalna’s hand pulled away, watching as he gave a grand smile before stepping back and disappearing behind the elevator doors with a wave. Nilesy was left stood, eyes spinning in his head and feet cemented to the hallway floor as he struggled to assess what just happened. The abnormal sensation still buzzed on his chin, reminding him how his day was becoming anything but predictable.

Sucking on his bottom lip Nilesy tried to throw away his caution but could only pat his thighs to encourage himself to move. Avoiding eye contact was easier on his part as his kept his sight on the ground, but the sense of attention falling to him continued to intensify by each desk he passed. His normal shuffle by with scattered hellos became impossible as all he could pick up was whispers floating his way and more misplaced coos.

His desk became an immediate safe zone as he flopped down into his squeak ridden swivel chair. The computer had already been prompted, still holding one normal quirk of the day, while the screen flashed at him asking for his password.

Staring only a second longer his fingers fastened to the keyboard, clicking out letters to break the lock and let him in. He sifted through the standard work messages, leading him to the documents of the day. He almost managed to trick himself into forgetting the entire morning through simple paper work, but more unplanned rude awakenings kept popping up more than his browser.

Nilesy could recognize his supervisors’ assertive footsteps anywhere. The classic shined shoes on the modern hardwood floor clicked in perfect beat of his breath, long strides pushing the man closer to Nilesy’s desk. Even as he could feel the confident presence behind him Nilesy didn’t dare chance a glance, fearing more directive rules than another unforeseen occurrence.

The firmly extended sigh cued Nilesy to turn and face the overseer. He tried to classify the newly added handkerchief to Xephos’ attire in the spectrum of red, deciding it fell between a brick or rust. Waiting for Xephos to speak his mind took longer than expected as his head perpetuated the long drawn out shake.

“Alright, somebody call animal control.” Xephos’ voice was low and exasperated, “Don’t know who brought it in but I am not up for my allergies acting up today.” His squint shrunk Nilesy’ posture, his keen sight looking him over with a strange inspection. “Who let you in?”

Nervously linking his fingers together Nilesy peeped an answer to a question he never thought he would get. “Um, I let myself in?” The inflection on his response felt misplaced as he knew for a fact his own key card allowed him access but with the borderline interrogation he couldn’t help the sound.

A growl scratched against Xephos’ throat, “Don’t try and yowl at me, I’ll figure out the answer.” The continuous soul inspecting stare pinned Nilesy in place as again more words from his co-workers made little to no sense to him.

Straightening his back out Xephos resumed his unresponsive march past the remaining desks, leaving Nilesy to search for others around him sharing the same confusion. Not a soul seemed to have even heard he conversation, but he counted his thanks as it meant no awkward future interactions with animal control.

Turning back around Nilesy set his current document on hold as he examined over Xephos’ words. He briefly looked over his clothes making sure he had brushed off the cat hair before he came in and turned off his computer screen, using the reflection to search for any anomalies on his face.

His fingers tightened to his jaw as he was taken off guard by sudden hands on his shoulders. Biting his tongue to hold in a curse he whipped around, the chair playing a deafening squeak by the quick movement.

“He’s even wearing a tie! Oh my gosh Rythian, he’s so cute!” The familiar speckled face and bright red hair brought Nilesy’s stomach to flip as he prayed the earlier phone conversation was just a bad connection fluke.

“Zoey, you have to tell me what is going on!” Nilesy’s voice jumped in octaves as the accustomed shadow of a man came up beside her. “Oh thank God Rythian, a level stubborn head. Can someone /please/ explain to me what on earth is going on!?”

The two friends stared back him, as if his words were entirely foreign concepts to them. Nilesy reaffirmed his question with frantic waves of his hands, “Hello? What kind of dream or nightmare am I in and can you take me to your leader?” Reality seemed so distant he couldn’t help his comedic turning desperate questions.

Zoey squealed again, letting her hands find Nilesy’s cheeks, tugging the soft skin. “He’s so precious!” Her energy translated to shaking Nilesy’s head around in her grip, making him dizzy even as he stayed in one spot. “And so fluffy!” As quick as her hands glued to his face she busied them into his dark hair.

Nilesy glimpsed over the spry woman’s shoulders, hunting for any sort of help or explanation, but only found Rythian’s unchanging expression. “Uh, Zoey?”

“He is the most perfect cat you could ever see!” Her jubilance carried through as Zoey continued to pet Nilesy’s now thoroughly ruffled hair.

“Cat!?” Nilesy could feel his voice break before he heard it, “Cat?” His repetition still didn’t help him process the thought fast enough. “When did-“

The firm sweet kiss on the tip of his nose defused his tension, letting his words fall flat in his mouth. Nilesy stared back at the cheery smile in front of him, disregarding his crooked glasses that slowly slide down his face.

Standing back proudly with hands on her hips Zoey buzzed her lips, “Yup, you and me cat, we’re best buddies now!”

Nilesy felt like lights were popping in his vison. Everything felt muddle in the confusion of it all, unable to relate current events with anything from the past.

“Give him a kiss Rythian!” Zoey’s voice cut through the mental fog with tones upbeat as her attitude. She was already prepared for the cross of Rythian’s long arms and disagreeing shake of his head as she grabbed at Nilesy’s shoulders, “But look at how cute he is! Come on!”

The puzzling excitement found its way into Nilesy’s laugh. He couldn’t figure out if he was laughing from the obscure moment or if his nerves had cracked, but even as he couldn’t pinpoint it, the laugh helped put a few thoughts at ease.

“Yeah come on Rythian!” Nilesy tried joining in on whatever he was centered, deciding to get some fun out of everything. “Pucker up!” He patted his cheek with a peppy index finger, brewing up another cackle as he did.

Strong hands cupped under Nilesy’s jaw, tilting his head back with delicate precision. Nilesy’s eyes grew wide at the unbelievable happening as Rythian knelt his head, placing a cold kiss to Nilesy’s now burning brow.

“You are, a cute cat.” Rythian’s words, low and potent like always, sealed Nilesy’s teasing behind his teeth. Fingertips thumped lightly under Nilesy’s ears as the hands peeled away, leaving Nilesy in more full blown perplexity than he ever thought possible.

Watching the two walk away with no more than a wave, Nilesy’s head fell back to the top of his chair, his attention centering back on a ceiling of a different sort. “I’m a cat…” Even as the sentence used his own air it didn’t seem real to him. He stretched his arms out in front of him, flexing his fingers, checking each spot for human qualities. “I’m a… cat?”

A brisk shake of his head and he was up from his pondering position, “Coffee! Coffee will help me solve this mystery!” As if whistling to his feet to start up and find a pace Nilesy raced himself to the break room. He wanted it to be filled with people, all chatting about work and casual boring subjects, but not a soul beyond the hum of the fridge could be found as a conversational partner.

Nilesy dropped his excited posture, heaving every muscle in his body to push out the negative sigh. “I’m a cat…” The coffee machine at the end of the counter taunted him as he stepped closer, “Can cats drink coffee?” His question felt even more absurd to him as it left his tongue. He strained his mind, examining over the small worn down buttons of the appliance, “Cats don’t drink coffee…”

The wobble of his legs hit hard, forcing Nilesy to grab the chair behind him for support. Finding an answer to the day’s events was tougher to digest than he foresaw. He wanted everything to be mishaps, moments he could have shaken off, but the answer for everything he received was far from expected, throwing him through loops he couldn’t understand.

Sliding out the chair Nilesy collapsed into the seat, hands pulling at his hair in a strange sense of frustration. “I’ll have to get cat insurance. Who do I even phone for that?” Releasing a gargled sound more concerns passed through his mind, “I don’t like tuna that much!” 

A complacent knock on the break room’s doorframe lured Nilesy’s head back up, “Lom! I don’t like tuna that much!” The blonde woman pulled her lips together at the greeting, freezing on spot. “I can’t be a single cat parent! I don’t know what a cat’s minimum wage is but I bet it’s a hell lot lower than a human’s!”

Rolling her eyes Lomadia stepped up to the table, “You’re not a cat you silly sausage.” She clacked her nails on the wooden surface as she pulled her phone out from her pocket, “Zoey texted me saying the cat thing may be messing with you too much. Said you might be needing a cat sitter, but I guess you just need a wakeup call.”

In a twitch Nilesy adjusted his glasses, “I’m, not a cat?”

“No, you’re not. It was a joke you know,” Waving her free hand around Lomadia put on her best imitation of Sjin, “Oh, let’s play a joke on Nilesy. He loves cats so much, what if we all pretended he was a cat.” Clicking her tongue from the roof of her mouth she tried not to laugh at her own impression. “I thought it would freak you out too much, but everyone was gung-ho for another office prank.”

A light sniff and a blink of his tension easing eyes, Nilesy could feel weight lift off his shoulders, “You mean, like the one where we convinced Littlewood his plants were talking to us?”

Pulling back a long lock of blonde hair Lomadia exhaled, “Yeah I don’t know how Sjin comes up with these, or how people believe them…” A snickering behind her triggered Lomadia to pivot on the spot, “Oh, speak of the devil.”

Sjin’s more than comfortable grin as he stepped fully into the room was exceptionally noticeable even when masked behind his primed mustache. “Did you just ruin a week’s worth of planning Lomadia?”

Lomadia threw her hands into the air, visibly infuriated, “Of course I did! We almost gave the poor guy a heart attack!” She spared glance over to Nilesy and a reassuring smile as she tried to convey that she had his back, “And where were you mister prank puller? Getting everyone else to do the work for you and probably just coming here for bragging rights!”

Humming with a differently molded smile Sjin pulled a small plastic bag filled with green leafs out from his coat pocket. “I was a little late because I had to pick up this!”

Narrowing her eyes Lomadia’s stance made her grown in ferocity, “That better be catnip.” A hand on her hip and one trained by her side, ready to snatch the bag at a moment’s notice.

“It’s um… actually thyme. Couldn’t find any catnip.” Sjin gritted his teeth as he was hit by Lomadia’s disappointed groan, “What? It’s not my fault catnip isn’t advertised on where to buy it!” Shaking the bag to emphasize his point Sjin still couldn’t get Lomadia to stop the dissatisfied shake of her head. 

“You get it at a pet store you big idiot! If you’re going to prank someone at least commit to it!” Bringing her phone back to her attention, a few keystrokes managed to quell her anger, “I’ll let everyone know the prank is off.”

Planting himself into the conversation that centered around him, Nilesy cleared his throat to renounce his presence, “Well, it looks like it’s…” His eyes darted along the room, letting his words hold a moment longer, “Thyme for me to go back to work!” He could almost hear the old time show music play off in his head as his joke sunk into being.

An irritated groan and Lomadia swung her phone to point at Nilesy, “Where is the app to turn you back into a cat?” She pushed her thumb from place to place on the darkened screen, earning a laugh from the man at the table.

“And jokes on you Sjin,” Nilesy caught the attention of the snide friend across the room, making him wait from the ending of his sentence, “Because apparently I am an adorable cat deserving of kisses.”

The other two laughed as they watched the enthusiasm grow, translating in a leap from chair to floor like rehearsed trick. Nilesy pumped his arms into the air, giving a brash cheer, passing Lomadia’s satisfied grin and Sjin’s childish stuck out tongue.

“Human Nilesy joke master extraordinaire is back and more suave than ever!” Nilesy’s voice carried amidst the voice floor, alerting the nearby bodies of his existence. Another long winded cheer, twirl of his hands in the air and his unbridled buoyancy returned full swing.

“All the kisses for Nilesy!”


End file.
